Always
by Sushi1976
Summary: Ashley and Spencer Love each other, enough to let each other go. This story is about Realizing sometimes when you love someone you have to them go even if it means you have to watch them be happy without you.
1. Chapter 1

I DO NOT OWN SON

Chapter 1

I walked through the crowded area towards my table, shoving some people out of my way. I took a drag out of my cigarette and blew it out, then threw the cigarette on the ground as I took my normal seat on top of my table. I took my ipod out of my jean pocket and changed the song…

…_**I know you've been hurt by someone else**_

_**I can tell by the way you carry yourself**_

_**If you let me, here's what I'll do**_

_**I'll take care of you**_

_**I've loved and I've lost…**_

I hated school, I just wanted to drop and travel the world. I know I could pass my GED, I have actually. I took the practice test, and I past it with flying colours. I held a 90% average in school; I don't think I ever failed anything. I just don't like sitting in one spot and listen to teachers talk all day.

…_**Cause if you let me, here's what I'll do**_

_**I'll take care of you**_

_**I've loved and I've lost…**_

I rather be riding my motorcycle and going to clubs, Maybe taking a girl back to the loft and spend the night having her scream my name. Then wake up and go to work at the "Bar", I work there on the weekends. I started working there last year; I have saved over six thousand dollars. I rather spend my days talking to drunks then be here in this shit whole.

…_**I know you've been hurt by someone else**_

_**I can tell by the way you carry yourself**_

_**If you let me, here's what I'll do**_

_**I'll take care of you**_

_**I've loved and I've lost…**_

The reason why I haven't left this so called school of education is because I made a promise. I made a promise to a girl, who is currently holding hands with Aiden and walking over towards me. Aiden and I met in kindergarten; we dated once it didn't work out so well. I realized I was gay and I dumped his sorry ass.

As for the girl, well I met her a few years ago when she moved here from Ohio. I met her through the summer; we hit it off right away. Middle of summer I asked her to become my girl friend and she said yes. It was the best summer of my life; I fell in love that summer. We both fell for each other hard; we couldn't get enough of each other.

I'm guessing you want to know what happen. Well school started, and I don't do relationships. We broke up, and we didn't talk for a few weeks. Then one night I saw her at the "Bar" and we got to dancing. Next thing I know I am being push against the bathroom stall and she is having her way with me. After that night we went back to my house and talked. Even know we both couldn't be together, we both loved each other and we couldn't let the other go. We had each others hearts, and we both had to watch other people play with them.

I made a promise to stay here and attend school so her and I could still see each other. I do hook up with a lot of girl, but I never kiss them, or let them have there way with me. The only girl that is aloud to touch me, kiss me, or even tell me they love me is the same girl who is dating my best friend Aiden. Have I mention the only girl she is gay with is myself, and I'm the only person she has ever loved.

Spencer Carlin is the love of my life, and I'm hers. We love each other but instead of being with each other we have to watch each other be with other people.

I felt her come stand between my hands and ran hers hands up and down my arms; I looked up from my music and smiled.

"Hey you"

"Hey Spence" I wrapped my arms around her, and I noticed Aiden was watching us. Poor guy I don't know why he sticks around.

"You coming tonight?" I leaned in and hovered my kips over her ear while I whispered.

"Only if you make me cum" I smiled and pulled back, she shove me away and laughed.

"Ashh...god you will never change." I know she loved it when I talked like that towards her, not so much when Aiden was around.

"Sorry, ya I will be there. Kyla wants to come too"

"Good I haven't see in her in a while; I miss my crazy best friend"

"She misses you too" The bell rang, and just like that I am brought back to reality. Aiden was already heading towards us.

"I gotta go, see you in 4th" I nodded, and she leaned in and kissed my on my lips.

"I love you Ashley, stay out of trouble baby"

"I will try, love you too Spence" Then she was getting pulled away my Aiden, he looked back over towards me and smiled.

Everyone at school knew that I never settled, I was more of Fuck Them & Leave Them. Spencer Carlin was the only girl to get me wrapped around her finger...

**A/N: I don't really know how long this story will Last, but if you like it let me know and I will continue with it. Don't worry I am still writing BREATHE : )**


	2. Chapter 2

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

_**Playlist **_

_**Ride It – Jay Sean**_

* * *

Chapter 2

As I reach the party I check my self in the rear-view mirror, I was looking hot. As I got out I noticed Aiden truck was here, means Spence was already here. I started to walk towards the front door when it was swung open and a couple fell right in front of me. I shook my head and just stepped over them. I was hit was loud music, and the smell of sweat and sex.

_**(Let me feel you)**_

_**It's been about a month and twenty days**_

_**And we're going round and round playing silly games**_

_**Now you're saying, slow it down, not right now**_

_**Then you wink at me and walk away**_

They were playing my song, as I walked through the crowd into the kitchen where the alcohol was. As I was pouring my drinking I felt someone start to rub my arm, I looked over and there was a hot girl grinding on me. I took a sip of my drink and let her drag me towards the dance floor. I spun her around and grinded her from behind, my hand around her waste.

_**Ride it)**_

_**We are all alone**_

_**(Ride it)**_

_**Just lose control**_

_**(Ride it, ride it)**_

_**Come touch my soul**_

_**(Ride it, ride it)**_

_**Let me feel you**_

I held my beer in the air while this chick grinded all over me, I couldn't help but feel the wetness form in my underwear. I spun her around and brought her closer so she was riding me leg. She leaned forward and started to moan in my ear.

_**Hmm, pulling me, pulling me, pulling me close**_

_**You close your eyes, girl**_

_**Whispering, telling me we gotta go**_

_**Won't you take me home I wanna?**_

Just then I felt someone pull on my belt loop from behind, I looked over my shoulder and I insistently let go of the girl that was dancing with me and I turned. I came face to face with Spencer; she was looking at the cup in my hands. I rolled my eyes and her; she pulled me close so she didn't have to yell.

"How many have you had?"

"Spence I just got here babe, no worries" I pulled back but I know she was still worried.

"I'm serious Ash! no more." I grabbed her belt loop and pulled her closer; I didn't have to look over to know Aiden was watching us.

_**(Ride it)**_

_**We are all alone**_

_**(Ride it)**_

_**Just lose control**_

_**(Ride it, ride it)**_

_**Come touch my soul**_

_**(Ride it, ride it)**_

_**Baby, let me feel you**_

"When am I getting you alone again Spence, I need you"

Spencer knew I wouldn't let anyone touch me sexually except her, Aiden didn't know we would hook up casually so I could get off.

"Soon" She grabbed me and gave me a hug; I snuggled in her neck and kissed her neck. Then Bit it and started to suck. She knew what I was doing, and so did Aiden. I soothed the bite mark with my tongue.

"Till then babe" She pulled back, and kissed me on my cheek.

Her hands took my face and brought it towards her; she looked deep into my eyes and smiled.

"You can mark me all you want Ashley, I'll always be yours" I watch her turn and walk back to Aiden.

_**Everything was right until her phone begins to ring**_

_**She takes it to the corner, that's when I start wondering**_

_**I can hear her shouting, banging her fist against the door**_

_**Yelling it all over, I couldn't take it anymore**_

"Hey Ash" I turn and saw Kelly

"Hey Kelly, what's up" I pulled her towards me and we started to grind, in the corner of my eye I could see Spencer getting mad. Kelly always tried to pull me away from Spencer; it's her mission to make me fall out of love with Spencer.

"How about we take this upstairs" just then she went to lick my neck but I pulled away and glared at her.

"You do that again and you will never have me" I pushed her off of me and went towards the stairs. Sometimes it was hard not letting people have there way with me, but its better when Spencer makes love to me.

I stopped once I reach the top of the stairs and leaned on the banister, and watched as Aiden moved his hands all over Spencer. I hated watching it, but I made my own grave now I lie in it.

I turned my head towards the door down the hall; I knew what was happening in that room. More importantly I knew any minute I would be doing the same thing. I looked over once more and noticed Spencer watching me. We both knew what I was about to do, as I slowly watched the tears come down from her eyes I was getting pulled away by Kelly.

_**Then I walk away, and acting I want to go chill**_

_**I ain't trying to get caught up in a mess for real**_

_**But she came around and backed me up against the wall**_

_**She said I know you're hurt, but I'll make you forget it all**_

_**A/N: This Story is fun to write lol**_


	3. Chapter 3

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

**Music Playlist**

**What a Shame – Shinedown**

**Tonight I'm Fucking you - ENRIQUE IGLESIAS**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

I watched Ashley go into the room with Kelly; of course she would pick the one girl I hate the most. I wiped the tears away, and turned in Aiden's arms. He was the only besides Ashley that could make me feels safe.

_**Two packs of cigarettes a day**_

_**The strongest whiskey**_

_**Kentucky can make**_

_**That's a recipe to put a vagabond**_

_**On his hands and knees**_

_**I watched it all up close,**_

_**I knew him more than most**_

_**I saw a side of him he never showed**_

_**Full of sympathy for a world that**_

_**Wouldn't let him be**_

I finally calmed down and let Aiden lead me over to the couch, I snuggled into his side. The music was still blasting through the house; the smell of sex was everywhere. Aiden's cologne was the only good smell in this place; I leaned in and relaxed even more.

_**What a shame, what a shame,**_

_**To judge a life that you can't change**_

_**The choir sings, the church bells ring**_

_**So, won't you give this man his wings?**_

_**What a shame to have to beg you to**_

_**See we're not all the same**_

_**What a shame**_

I felt Aiden move away from me and someone else take his place, the person wrapped there arms around me and kissed the top of my head, and I looked up and saw Kyla.

"I didn't think you were coming, I missed you Kyla" I hugged her tighter; I have missed her so much this year. Kyla had decided to move back home with her mother, it killed me when she left.

"I know Spence I have missed you" she pulled back, and wiped my tears away.

"She went upstairs didn't she?" I just nodded my head.

"Spencer it doesn't mean she went up to do drugs, she probably just went up there to fuck a slut" I rolled my eyes and sat back, while blowing out the air I was holding in.

"Kelly, out of all the people Kyla"

"Dam, I'm sorry Spence" Kyla knew why Ashley and I were they way we are, she witness everything in the summer.

_**That's the way that I see life**_

_**If there was nothing wrong,**_

_**Then there'd be nothing right**_

_**And for this working man they say could**_

_**Barely stand**_

Kyla and I sat there and talked more through the night; noticed Aiden was dancing with some girls. I know he was supposed to be my boyfriend, but seeing him with other women never upset me. I turned back to Kyla, she was telling me about a boy she liked back home.

"Kyla, if you like he then just tells him. He walked you home in pouring rain, I think he like you too" she smiled.

"Let go dance, missed dancing" I shook my head and got up; I took her hand and led her into the middle of the dance floor. Just then our song came on; we creamed and started to dance.

_**know you want me**_

_**I made it obvious that I want you too**_

_**So put it on me**_

_**Let's remove the space between me and you**_

_**Now rock your body (oooh)**_

_**Damn I like the way that you move**_

_**So give it to me (oooo oooh)**_

_**Cause I already know what you wanna do**_

We held our hands up in there air, while our other hands were around each other waste. Kyla knew how to dance dirty, I loved it. Just then I saw a guy come behind her, and started to grind on her. It made her come closer, and soon she was being grinded on by two people.

_**Here's the situation**_

_**Been to every nation**_

_**Nobody's ever made me feel the way that you do**_

_**You know my motivation**_

_**Given my reputation**_

_**Please excuse I don't mean to be rude**_

I noticed the guy hands were slowly making there way over to my side more, I looked at kyla but her eyes were closed. I turned and noticed Aiden was too busy dancing with two girls himself, I backed up a little but Kyla pulled me closer.

_**But tonight I'm loving you**_

_**Oh you know**_

_**That tonight I'm loving you**_

_**Oh you know**_

_**That tonight Im loving you**_

I felt Kyla let go of my waste and hands, I open my eyes and shesmiling. Just then I felt arms come around my waste, it was Ashley, and I let her run her hands up and down my body. Her one hand was slowly sliding underneath my shirt and scratching my abs, the other was pulling me closer to her.

You're so damn pretty

If I had a type than baby it'd be you

I know you're ready

If I never lied, than baby you'd be the truth

I then remember where she went; I grabbed her hand and pulled it off of me. I turned around and looked into her eyes. They weren't glossy, I checked her arms and they were cleaned. She lifted up my chin, and kissed my nose.

"I told you Spence I was done with that stuff"

"So you just went up there to fuck Kelly?" I was still mad that she couldn't wait till later, she had to fuck that slut.

"I'm sorry, I was frustrated." She pulled me closer, when she tried to kiss me I pulled away.

"Spence…" I shook my head, and she knew I was pist.

"Our you good to get home tonight, or do I have to drive?" we were still grinding on each other, but just not as dirty.

"I only had one beer so I'm good to drive" I noticed Aiden was waving me, means he is ready to leave.

"Okay well Aiden and I our heading out. Behave and you better be at school Monday Ashley" I kissed her cheek and turned to say goodbye to kyla, just then I was pulled back to her.

"Please come home with tonight?" I knew what she was asking; I leaned forward and whispered in her ear.

"You already fucked a girl, you don't need me" I smirked and walked away, as much as I wanted Ashley I couldn't have her touch me after she touched that whore.

_**But tonight I'm loving you**_

_**Oh you know**_

_**That tonight I'm loving you**_

_**Oh you know**_

_**That tonight I'm loving you**_

* * *

**Ashley POV**

I was lying in bed, and I just couldn't sleep. Tonight was pretty awesome if I say so, I even got to fuck Kelly. I just wish I thought before I did that, now Spencer won't even bother to touch me. I look at the night stand 3:24am, I picked up my phone.

I can't sleep – A

Well that's shitty for you; I am so goodnight – S

I pulled my blankets off me and got dressed; I grabbed my keys and headed out the door of my loft. Once I was in the car I put in my favourite C.D and drove down the road.

As I pulled into the driveway, I quickly shut off my car so I wouldn't wake anyone. I shut my door gently and made my way to the back yard. I started to climb up the tree towards her bedroom window. I was hoping she left her window unlocked, I looked up and it was open. I quickly climb the tree and into her bedroom window, I stood by her bed and took off all my clothes except my underwear and bra. I slid in behind her and wrapped my arms around her, then kissed her shoulder blade.

"Did you park behind Glen's jeep?"

"Yup" she turned in my arms and smiled, then leaned in for a kiss.

"I love you Ashley"

"I love you too"

"I don't like you having sex with Kelly, or any other girls."

"I don't like Aiden running his hands over your body, and the thought of you guys having sex is disgusting. Spence baby why can't we just be together, I love you so much it hurts"

"Ashley you know why we can't be together, until you can fully commit…"

"I am asking you to commit to…"she shushed me with her finger.

"…and stop the lifestyle of partying and drinking, oh and the drugs. Maybe we can try, Ash I just don't want to be a part of that stuff"

"Okay baby, I understand. Now can we snuggle I have missed you Spencer" She smiled and took her hand and brought it down between us, and started to rub.

"How about I take care of some frustration you have built up" I laughed and rolled on top of her.

"God I love you Spencer"

"Love you too baby"

* * *

**A/N: Again I don't know where this story is going lol**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Sorry everyone, for the long wait. I have been busy :)**

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

I forget how this all happen they way it did, I never met to fall in love with her. When I first met Ashley she seemed so interesting, and I needed to know her. When I did, I fell for her. The day she told me she cheated on me I hated her so much, at lease I tried. I couldn't I was in love with the one person who was crushing my heart.

I hated watching her with other girls, but then she told me she doesn't let them touch her. It doesn't really make it better but at lease I know I'm the only girl that gets to touch her. Aiden knows I love her, heck he probably knows I'm sleeping with her behind his back. I haven't told Ashley that Aiden told me he loved me the other day. I couldn't, it would make her mad and she would go after him.

I watch her sleep, she seems so peaceful, so relaxed. I know it's only when she sleeps with me in her arms she actually relaxes and sleeps. I never ask about the nightmares anymore, because I know she won't talk about it.

"Spence come back to bed" I have been sitting in the chair by my window, watching her sleep.

"I'm coming baby" I slide in under the blankets as she wraps me in her arms. I lay a kiss on her chest.

"Thank you baby" I don't reply I lift my head and Kiss her; I need her as much as she needs me.

"Spencer, I need you" I know what she means, as I roll over to my side I let my lips touch hers, then whisper

"You got me baby, all of me"

I leaned down and kissed her, while her hands went straight for my back. I felt her hands slide under my shirt and slide it up. It made a shiver go down my spine. I felt her tongue slide across my bottom lip; I let it in and sucked on it.

"Mmm baby"

"God Spence I missed feeling you"

Is at up and quickly pulled over my shirt, as she was taking off my underwear. We haven't had sex in weeks, means she was very eager. I reached down and ripped her shirt op and ran my tongue from the bottom of her abs to the top of her chest. Then bit her right boob and left my mark. As I was kissing my way down and pulled her boxers down.

"Baby I can't wait any longer I need you, now"

I sat on her stomached and started to grind, letting her feel how wet I was for her. I licked my finger and ran them up her slit

"Oh fuck, baby please"

I did it once more, and then leaned down and pulled her bottom lip with my teeth. Her hands were on my hips trying to get me to grind harder on top of her.

"Do you want this baby? How bad do you need this?"

"Spence fuck, I need your finger deep in me, please just fuck me"

"You got it baby"

With that I lay in between her legs and started to slowly lick her folds, and tease her with my fingers. Slowly rubbing around her entrance, I felt her push on my head harder. She needed this; she didn't want to be teased.

I shoved two fingers deep inside her, she was so wet. I started to lick her as I fingered her, my thumb slowly rubbing her clit. I looked up and she had her one hand on the top of my head grinding into my face, and the other hand grabbing the sheets. I hope my parents aren't home because this is going to be loud.

"Yes fuck Spence, lick my pussy, oh ya fuck"

"That's it baby, do you like this ash?" She didn't respond but she moaned in pleasure so I pulled my fingers out and waited.

"What the fuck…"

"Oh fuck baby!" I had shoved all three off my fingers deep into her; it made her arched her back even more.

"God your so tight baby" I sat up and pulled her on top of me so she was straddling me.

"Baby, please …"

"Ride my fingers baby, I want to see you fuck them" Just like that her arms were on my shoulders and she was riding my fingers hard and I could feel her walls getting tighter.

"Yes, yes, yes ….more!" I shoved another finger into her as she was riding; I then ran my thumb over her clit and pressed into it. As I grabbed onto her neck and pulled it towards my lips. I sucked on it while her nails very digging into my back.

"Yes fuck Ashley, cum for me baby! Cum all over my hand"

"Yes Oh god I'm going to cum harder baby, please Spence harder!"

I shoved her back down and went on my knees, and fingered her as hard as I could. Using my knee to help fuck her with my four fingers. I looked at her and she was loving being fucked so hard. I reached down and ran my tongue up her slit, and sucked on her clit.

"Oh baby Spencer! I'm cccuuummmingg!" As I felt her shake and tremble, I slowed down my rhythm with my fingers and kissed her stomach lightly till she stopped shaking. I watched her settle down, and I took my finger out of her. I looked down and started to clean up her cum, carful not to hit her sensitive clit with my tongue.

"Spencer baby I need you" I stopped licking her cum up and went up and lay beside her, I ran my fingers through her hair. And kissed her on the lips.

"I love you Ashley"

"I love you to Spencer, hold me baby" I didn't answer I just pulled her into me and let her fall asleep in my arms.

No matter what, Ashley was mine and I was hers. I think it was time to talk about are relationship, I don't want her with anyone else. I want Ashley all to my self, she was mine. As I kissed the hickey I left her on her right boob.

* * *

**A/N: R&R please**


	5. Chapter 5

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

**Music Playlist:**

**How to Love – Lil Wayne**

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Spencer POV**

There were times in my life where I had gotten bad news, some worst then others. Like the time I found out Glen broke is leg, or when my dad told us my mother was cheating on him. Broken leg I knew would heal; eventually Glen would be 100% again. My mother cheating would leave my family broken even if we tried to fix it together. Depending on the bad news, the results are different.

_**You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart**_

_**Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out**_

_**How to love**_

_**How to love**_

It was Monday morning and I was dreading to go to school, this weekend was very peaceful and relaxing. After Friday night with Ashley, I never did speak to her or see her. I was in Aiden's truck riding to school, this morning he seemed different. Maybe he finally found someone who could love him more then I could. I will never understand how he can love me, when he knows I can never love him, nor can I be with him fully.

_**You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever**_

_**Now you're in a corner tryna put it together**_

_**How to love**_

_**How to love**_

We pulled up to the school, and I noticed Ashley wasn't at the table. Her motorcycle wasn't even here. She must have gone to another party and was hung over; I knew I should have called her last night. I grabbed my bag and got out of the truck, Aiden was right there ready to hold my hand. I smiled and took it.

_**For a second you were here**_

_**Now you over there**_

_**It's hard not to stare, the way you moving your body**_

_**Like you never had a love**_

_**Never had a love**_

"Spencer, do you want to get some ice cream tonight after school?" I looked up to him and smiled, he was so sweet.

"Sure Aiden, I would love to"

"Okay well I have practice, but I will pick you up after okay?" I stopped and gave him a kiss on the chin.

"Sounds perfect" he smiled.

We turned to walk over to the table and I noticed Kyla was sitting on the top of it, she also playing with her hands. Kyla was only here for the one night, when she moved she got her mother to agree to allow her to come here once every week to visit me. Even know she was Ashley sister, Kyla and I were closer. I stopped and look towards Aiden, he didn't seem surprise to see her here.

_**When you was just a youngin' your looks were so precious**_

_**But now your grown up**_

_**So fly it's like a blessing but you can't have a man look at you for five seconds**_

_**Without you being insecure**_

_**You never credit yourself, so when you got older**_

_**It's seems like you came back ten times over**_

_**Now you're sitting here in this damn corner**_

_**Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulders**_

"Kyla, what are you doing here" She wasn't looking me in the eyes; she was hiding behind her sunglasses. Something that Ashley would also do with me, when she was upset. I reached up and grabbed her sunglasses off her face; she had tears in her eyes.

"Its Ashley" My heart stopped, this was never a good thing.

"What happen?" Kyla could sense the coldness in my voice; I was use to Ashley making stupid choices.

"She went out Saturday and she…"I stopped her right there; I just didn't need to hear it.

"Where is she kyla, and don't lie to me" I felt Aiden tense up beside me, I looked at him and I shook my head.

"You knew, didn't you?" He let go of my hand, and slid them into his pockets.

"Spencer I ran into her at the …" I put my hand up to quiet him.

"Don't. Kyla where is Ashley" I was getting mad, first they both knew she was going out this weekend, and they didn't tell me.

"The hospital" I grabbed Aiden's keys and headed towards his truck, this was going to be a long day.

_**See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart**_

_**Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out**_

_**How to love**_

_**How to love**_

* * *

I was never the one for hospitals', even if my mother worked at one. She was the surgeon in the E.R; I don't know how she even sleeps at night. When my brother clay died, we saw his dead body. I didn't sleep for weeks, even glen couldn't. I didn't like the smell of the building, how patience's were always walking around with tubes in there arms and body. If I had to come here, I would hold my breathe and walk really fast towards the room I wanted to be at.

I went up to the desk and got them to page my mother, she was the one that could tell me what I really wanted to know. When Ashley and I first started dating my mother and father loved her, then they hated her for breaking my heart. Still they both are ready to help her when she needs it, my father wants her to attend an addictions meeting. I told her I would go with her. My mother is always there to give her the mother's advice since Ashley's mother is never around. Even know my parents hate Ashley for breaking my heart, they love her because I love her.

_**For a second you were here**_

_**Now you over there**_

_**It's hard not to stare the way you moving your body**_

_**Like you never had a love**_

_**Had a love**_

"Spencer, you paged" I got up from my chair and gave my mother a hug; she was just a few inches taller then me.

"You know why I'm here mom"

"You should be in school Spencer, it just…"

"Mom! Tell me now!" What is with people and not wanting me to know things?

"Overdose, she came in Saturday night"

"What! And no one told me! You knew!"

"Ashley made us all promise not to tell you Spencer, she doesn't want you to see her like this"

"Then she should be like this, what room is she in" She let out breathe of air and shoved her hands in her pockets.

"ICU"

I bit my bottom lip and shooked my head, this was all getting worst by the second.

_**Oh, you had a lot of dreams that transformed to visions**_

_**The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions**_

_**But it wasn't your fault**_

_**Wasn't in your intentions**_

_**To be the one here talking to me**_

_**Be the one listenin'**_

_**But I admire your popping bottles and dippin'**_

_**Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping**_

_**Baby, so don't be mad**_

_**Nobody else tripping**_

_**You see a lot of crooks and the crooks still crook**_

I walked down the hall where I would find the ICU room, my mom called them already to let them know I was alright to go in. As I got to the big door I washed my hands and hit the little red button to open the door. There were patience's everywhere, some worst then the last.

"Spencer what are you…" she didn't need to finish the sentence; we both knew why I was here.

"You weren't at school, but Kyla was. She doesn't even go to are school Ashley, so I knew something was up"

"I told them not to tell you, just go Spencer" I walked over to her bed and sat down beside her, I grabbed her hand and intertwine are fingers,

"This is why we can't be together, as much as you pull me towards you and love me. You also push me away soon as you do something wrong, or your not well. I love you Ashley and I'm tired of seeing you waste your life away."

"Then why not just leave, I never asked you to be in the messed up relationship we call us" she was looking away from me, I could see the tears starting to form in her eyes.

"I love you baby, and I rather go through this shit and pain, then never having you in my life Ashley. I just want you to finally pick me over this" as I pointed to her in the hospital bed.

"It's not that easy Spencer" I felt her squeeze my hand tighter and the tears finally fell from her eyes.

_**See you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart**_

_**Never really had luck, couldn't ever figure out**_

_**How to love**_

_**How to love**_

"No, you're just too afraid to fight for something you love"

* * *

**A/N: R&R please**


	6. Chapter 6

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

**Music Playlist:**

**The Truth – Good Charlotte**

* * *

Chapter 6

**Spencer POV**

_**So here we are**_

_**We are alone**_

_**There's weight on your mind**_

_**I wanna know**_

_**The truth, if this is how you feel**_

_**Say it to me**_

_**If this was ever real**_

I layed in my bed replaying what had happen at the hospital today, I was hoping if I fell asleep and woke up. It would be just all a bad dream, and everything was going to be okay. Of course when I woke up, my heart still hurt and everything was the same.

_**Flashback**_

_**I looked at her with tears in my eyes, how did we get here. Maybe love isn't strong enough to hold two people together. **_

"_**Don't do this Ashley, Don't run away from us."**_

"_**I'm not"**_

"_**Yes you are! You get scared of commitment and run. Please Ash for once don't let fear run your life!" **_

_**I was not afraid to let the tears fall down from my eyes, as she didn't even have a tear to shed. It was like I was talking to a brick wall, I blame the drugs.**_

"_**Spencer, please just…"**_

"_**What Ashley! Leave!" as I wiped my nose with my sleeve, It was killing me to see her so cold and blocked in by her walls.**_

"_**I Won't Leave you!, don't you get it. I will never be able to; I love you so much it hurts. I need you Ashley, just like you need me!" **_

_**I watch as she turned her head away from me, and played with the wires on her arm. This wasn't the girl I was in love with; this was someone with no soul.**_

"_**Spencer, you have to let me go. You disserve better then me, then all of this" **_

_**I walked closer reached for her hand and intertwine are fingers, I inhaled and exhaled then asked. **_

"_**Tell me you don't love me Ashley, and I will leave" **_

"_**I don't love you"**_

"_**No! Look at me! Look me in the fucking eyes and tell me you don't love me!" **_

_**She turned her head and looked me right in the eyes, never once blinking. All I saw was emptiness and pain.**_

"_**I don't love you Spencer, happy?" she kept looking at me, waiting for my reaction. I didn't give her one.**_

"_**Now will you leave me alone?"**_

_**I let go of her hand and walked towards the door, I shouldn't have but I turned to look at her one last time. **_

_**She was looking right at me, but there was still no love in her eyes.**_

_**Flashback Ended**_

When I got home I just went straight to my room and Cried, I didn't bother telling my mother that I wasn't going back to school. It felt like my heart had been smashed, and my life was falling apart. I lost the most important person in my life, and I didn't even see it coming.

_**I want the truth from you**_

_**Give me the truth, even if it hurts me**_

_**I want the truth from you**_

_**Give me the truth, even if it hurts me**_

_**I want the truth**_

I hear my phone go off; I slowly roll over and grab it.

Aiden Calling…

"Hello"

"Spence did you go see her?"

"Ya"

"Look I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but she didn't want anyone…."

"I know Aiden"

"Where are you, are you okay"

"Aiden I'm fine I'm going to go, bye"

"Bye"

I hang up the phone and drop it on my dresser, as I roll over I grab the blankets and curl up in them. As sleep takes over again, I let the tears fall.

_**So this is you**_

_**You're talking to me**_

_**You found a million ways to let me down**_

_**So I'm not hurt when you're not around**_

_**I was blind**_

_**But now I see**_

_**This is how you feel**_

_**Just say it to me**_

_**If this was ever real**_

* * *

**Ashley POV**

I know what I did was harsh but there was nothing I could do, she doesn't know this but Spencer disserves better then me. I'm so messed up and lost; I can't love her like she wants me to. As much as I want to hold her, love her, and let her be mine, I can't.

_**I want the truth from you**_

_**Give me the truth, even if it hurts me**_

_**I want the truth from you**_

_**Give me the truth, even if it hurts me**_

Sometimes the truth hurts, but it sets you on the right path.

_**Flashback**_

_**I have been in here for just over 3 hours and I'm going crazy, the sickness has not stopped, and all I want is to get out of this stupid hospital. The smell is gross, and the food is even worst. **_

"_**Your awake" I look to see Paula, this isn't going to be fun.**_

"_**Ya"**_

_**Paula walks over and checks my chart, and looks up and gives me a weak smile. She reminds me of another carlin girl I love.**_

"_**Overdose, again I see"**_

"_**Paula I …"**_

_**She raises her hand to stop me.**_

"_**Don't Ashley, when you are going to stop this" I can hear how serious she is being in her voice.**_

"_**I don't know"**_

"_**Do you love my daughter?"**_

"_**You know I do"**_

_**She sets the chart down and walks over to the side of my bed; she sits down and grabs my one hand. **_

"_**If you love her then stop hurting her, don't drag her down with you. I know you both love each other but please do you both a favour and just end this stupid relationship you have together." I wiped some tears that had slipped from my eyes.**_

"_**Paula I can't, I promise I will get better" I didn't want to let Spencer go, I love her too much.**_

"_**How long will that take? What if you drag Spencer a long and you two ends up not even together and this time she spent with you she could have found someone to love her the way she needs it?" It felt like I just was slapped in my face.**_

"_**I can be that person, I will be that person." I looked her right in the eye when I said that.**_

"_**Who are you trying to convince. My self or your self?" as she got up from my bed and walked towards the door.**_

"_**I will be the one she says 'I do' to one day" she turns and looks at me, and smiles**_

"_**I really hope so Ashley"**_

_**I wiped the tears away; there was no time to cry. Not when I have a girl to love.**_

_**Flashback Ended**_

I picked up the phone on the dresser and made a phone call…

"Hello"

"Its Ashley, I'm ready Mr. C"

I let out a sigh and prepared my self. This wasn't going to be easy, but for her I would do anything.

_**I know that this will break me**_

_**I know that this might make me cry**_

_**You gotta say what's on your mind, on your mind**_

_**I know that this will hurt me**_

_**and break my heart and soul inside**_

_**I don't wanna live this lie**_

* * *

**A/N: R&R please**


	7. Chapter 7

_**A/N: Sorry everyone!, I just got a new Job. It takes up all my time, plus my wonderful amazing Girlfriend take up the rest. Thank you all for reading, and leaving reviews. I love hearing from all of you, so please feel free To PM me your thoughts**_.

**I love You Baby, You're My Everything**

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

* * *

** Chapter 7**

3 months later….

Waving to Aiden as I got out of my mothers car, he was wearing his workout clothes. He smiled and walked over giving me a kiss on the lips; I waved to my mom and took Aiden's Hand. WE walked towards the table to meet everyone; Kyla gave me a shy smile. I sat beside her, Aiden sitting facing my side so he could wrap his arms around me as I lean into him.

"Taylor is having a party, you going Chelsea?" Aiden asked, rubbing his thumb over my hand.

"I was thinking about it, I have to finish some stuff but ya, I will be there" I looked over and saw Kyla listening to music, not paying attention.

"Kyla" as I waved my hand in front of her.

"Ya?" she had glasses on so I couldn't see her eyes, something I hated.

I stood up and walked over to the other side, nodding my head for her to fellow me to the court yard to talk. Once I reached the tree, and bench I sat down and looked at her. She was playing with her sleeves, and her leg was bouncing. I put my hand on top of her knee, and smiled

"Kyla whets going on, you seem scared, axsiuous, and you're very quiet"

"It's nothing Spencer, I'm fine"

"…and Im the pope" I gave her a smile, made her laugh. It got quiet as she stared at all the students waling by us.

"She is coming home today; I'm picking her up in an hour"

"Well that's good, you should be happy" As I played with the bottom of my shorts. Looking up and noticing too many people don't watch where they walk.

"Why don't you care Spencer?" I looked at her and raised a eyebrow

"I do, I'm happy she is coming home"

"No your not"

I let out a sigh, and stood up. Biting my lip I turn to face her, I was looking at my best friend. With a sister coming out of rehab, and a friend who has been hurt by that sister. I should have been by Kyla's side through all of this, but I wasn't.

"Kyla you should be happy that your sister got help that she decided to get clean"

"Not once did you go see her, and you love her Spencer!" I looked away; I couldn't look her in the eyes. I knew what she was saying was the truth. I found out Ashley was in Rehab, a week after the incident at the hospital.

"IT would have just made things harder"

"For you or for her?"

I thought about that question, as I sat down beside Kyla. Running my hands through my hair, I finally gave her an answer.

"Both." Kyla Ashley needed to get help, and I needed to let her go."

"Do you love Ashley?"

"I do, but I don't think I'm IN love with her anymore"

"How do you fall out of love Spencer?"

"I don't know"

We sat there staring at everyone heading to class, I looked over and waved to our friends who were heading to there class to.

"…Ashley and I are moving away"

* * *

**A/N: R&R Please**


	8. Chapter 8

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

* * *

**Music Used:**

**This is How A Heart Breaks – Rob Thomas**

Chapter 8

**Ashley POV**

_3 years later…_

* * *

_**Don't you wanna go for a ride**_

_**Just keep your hands inside**_

_**And make the most out of life**_

_**Now don't you take it for granted**_

_**Life is like a mean machine**_

_**It made a mess outta me**_

_**It left me caught between**_

_**Like an angry dream I was stranded, I was stranded**_

_**And I'm steady but I'm starting to shake**_

_**And I don't know how much more I can take**_

_**This is it now**_

_**Everybody get down**_

_**This is all I can take**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

_**You take a hit now you feel it break down**_

_**Make you stay wide awake**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

_**Don't you wanna go for a ride**_

_**Down to the other side**_

_**Feels so good you could cry**_

_**Now won't you do what I told you**_

_**I remember when you used to be shy**_

_**Yeah, once we were so fine**_

_**You and I why you gotta make it so hard on me**_

_**And I'm sorry but it's not a mistake**_

_**And I'm running but you're getting away**_

_**Yeah, this is how a heart breaks**_

_**You're not the best thing that I knew**_

_**Never was never cared too much**_

_**For all this hanging around**_

_**It's just the same thing all the time**_

_**Never get what I want**_

_**Never get too close to the end of the line**_

_**You're just the same thing that I knew back before the time**_

_**When I was only for you**_

_**(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)**_

_**(oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

_**(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)**_

_**(this is it,yeah yeah this is it)**_

_**(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

_**(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)**_

_**Can't take it**_

_**(Can't take it)**_

_**Can't take it**_

_**(Can't take it)**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

_**(Can't take it no more)**_

_**Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

_**I can't take it**_

_**(Can't take it)**_

_**I Can't take it**_

_**(Can't take it)**_

_**I can't take it**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

_**Oh...**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

_**This is how a heart breaks**_

"That was amazing" I smiled and put my guitar down next to me, I got up and walked over to her.

"Thanks, its good to be in the studio again" I gently give her a kiss on the cheek, letting my hands intertwine with hers.

"Lets head home Ash" I wrap my arm around her and head out the door, shutting off all the lights.

"Sounds good baby"

"I love you Ashley"

"I know you do Vanessa" Smiling we head outside towards my car, when my phone goes off. I look down and my heart stops…

_Spencer Carlin Calling…_

"_**Hello?"**_

"_**Ashley?"**_

"_**Yes" I look over and wave Vanessa, telling her to go start the car.**_

"_**Ashley you there?"**_

"_**..Sorry yes I'm here"**_

"_**It's Kyla, she is in the hospital. You need to come right away"**_

I stopped and looked at the ground, all of sudden I felt my heart start thumping faster, my hands became clammy. I looked up and notice Vanessa was still walking towards the car; I turn around and faced the studio.

"_**Ashley… Hello …ASH!"**_

"…_**sorry yes I will be right there….is uuummm …is she okay?" **_

"_**I don't know Ashley, please hurry okay?"**_ I nodded even know she couldn't see me, and hung up the phone.

I walked towards the car and took the keys from Vanessa, she gave me a look.

"Change of plans babe, we have to go somewhere"

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere I didn't want to go… ever" With that said we got in the car and pulled out and headed towards L.A.

* * *

**Spencer's POV **

"Is she coming?" I nodded my head, as I feel arms come around me. I relax into them, letting the tears fall.

"What am I suppose to tell her Matt" I feel him kiss my neck lightly.

"The truth, this wasn't your fault Spencer" I feel him pull me into him closer, and griping me.

"Ya… uuummm the truth" As I feel him let go of me and walk away, I go find a bathroom and vomit my entire super up.

I don't know what scares me more, seeing Ashley after all this time…. Or telling the truth about the Accident.

* * *

**A/N: R&R Please**


	9. Chapter 9

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

Chapter 9

**Ashley POV **

"Hello, I'm looking for Kyla Davies room please?"

"She is in room 204, just down the hall to the left" I smiled and took Vanessa hand, heading down the hall.

As we got closer, I realized this was the first time I was going to see Spencer since that day she came to see me in the hospital. My palms were getting sweaty so I let go of Vanessa's hand. She gave me a weird look but I ignored it, I wasn't about to tell her the truth.

There was a man outside of my sister's room, when he turned to look at me I noticed he had a coffee in his hand. I'm guessing he has been waiting here for a while. I stopped and turned to give Vanessa a Kiss, and told her to wait here by the chairs and I'll come back soon. I walked over and the guy stood up and brought his hand out for me to shake.

"Ashley Davies, I'm guessing" I gave him a look over and took his hand and shook it.

"Who are you and why are you standing here?" He laughed and sat back down next to the door.

"I'm a friend of Spencer's, well I'm her Boyfriend. Names Matt." I nodded, and pointed to the door.

"I'm going to see my sister, feel free to leave" I didn't let him comment I just open the door and walked in.

Kyla was lying in bed, with I.V in her arm. I walked over and took a seat next to her, grabbing her hand. I noticed there were bruises all over her face, and some on her leg.

"I'm here little sister, I'm right here" I kissed her hand, letting a tear fall. I couldn't loose my sister, I needed her.

I looked around the room; she was the only one in here. I got up and walked over to the window, I noticed it started to rain. I looked down and saw people enter and exit the building; I wonder how bad there issues are.

"You came?" I turned and saw Spencer leaning against the door frame, she looked sick. She had lost weight, and her hair was blond anymore. I walked over closer and noticed her hair was brown, and her blue eyes were dull.

"Ya, she is my sister Spencer" She looked down, and I noticed her hands were in her pockets, she was nervous.

"I didn't know if your were on tour or not. I found your number in Kyla's phone." I walked over to Kyla's bed and ran my hand through her hair.

"What happen Spencer?" I looked up, and stared her in the eyes.

"We were heading home, and a truck struck us. Kyla was in the passenger side and that's where the truck hit us." Spencer never took her eyes off Kyla.

"Who was driving?"

"I was." I looked over at her, and I noticed she was biting her lip. I walked over to her and stood in front of her. I lifted her head and I saw the sadness in her eyes.

"Spencer it was an accident, she will be fine." I pulled her into a hug. I rubbed her back with my hand.

"Ash?" I quickly turned and walked over to Kyla, taking her hand.

"Hey little sister, how you feeling?"

"I'm good, little tired" We both laughed.

"That's good, do you remember anything?" Kyla looked around and her eyes landed on Spencer's.

"Is he here?" Kyla was asking Spencer, and it seemed like Spencer was scared to answer.

"Umm ya he wanted to make sure you were okay?" Kyla rolled her eyes.

"Well he can leave, I don't want him here Spencer" she nodded and left the room. It turned and gave kyla a questioning look.

"Matt, he is Spencer boyfriend. He is also the asshole who was driving tonight, and was drinking." I gave her a look.

"Spencer said she was driving"

"What? No she was in the back seat"

"Why would she lie to me?"

"The same reason why I came here" she looked out the window and back at me.

"Things are what they seem Ashley, Spencer isn't the same person you fell in love with" I looked down at her I.V.

"What do you mean?" She grabbed my hand.

"She is married to Matt, and her parents asked me to come see her. They think he isn't treating her right. You don't have to be a genius to know she isn't happy with him." I looked at her wide eyes.

"Why hasn't she left him?" Kyla shook her head.

"I don't know, but I came to find out"

**R&R Please. **


	10. Chapter 10

**I DO NOT OWN SON **

**Chapter 10 **

**Ashley POV**

_**Flashback**_

"_Ashley where are we going?" There stood Spencer in her Pyjamas, half asleep. I smiled and took her face in my hands and kissed her. _

"_Go get dressed" _

"_Ashley it's almost 1 in the morning" I laughed and kissed her again. _

"_Please for me baby?" I gave her my Davies smile and she turned around and headed to get ready. I looked at my watch and smiled, tonight was going to be a good day. _

* * *

_As we got closer to the beach, you could see the light coming from the candles I had sat up around the blanket I set up earlier. I looked over at Spencer she was smiling; I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her neck. _

"_Happy 2 months baby" she turned her head and kissed me._

"_Ashley you didn't…" I kissed her, leaving her breathless. _

"_Your everything to me Spencer and I want to show you how much I love you"_

"_Ashley, I love you baby and I know you love me as much as I love you" I kissed her one last time, taking her hand and leading her ove_

"_When did you have time to do this?" I open the bag and pulled out some A&W root beer, and handed her a glass. _

"_Well when you were studying…I was here" I felt her kiss my cheek lightly. I smiled and grabbed my guitar beside me._

"_Couple of days ago I wrote a song, and I wrote it for you" I looked down, and she lifted my head and kissed me. _

"_Your so Romantic baby" I blushed and started to strum…_

_**Darling you're with me, always around me.**_

_**Only love, only love.**_

_**Darling I feel you, under my body.**_

_**Only love, only love.**_

_**Give me shelter, or show me heart**_

_**Come on love, come on love.**_

_**Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart.**_

_**And I'll be yours to keep.**_

_**A wind in the shadow, a whale song in the deep.**_

_**A wind in the shadow, a whale song in the deep.**_

_**Darling you're with me, always around me.**_

_**Only love, only love.**_

_**Darling I feel you, under my body.**_

_**Only love, only love.**_

_**Give me shelter, or show me heart**_

_**Come on love, come on love.**_

_**Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart.**_

_**And I'll be yours to keep.**_

_**A wind in the shadow, a whale song in the deep.**_

_**A wind in the shadow, a whale song...**_

_**Darling you're with me, always around me.**_

_**Only love, only love.**_

_**Darling I feel you, under my body.**_

_**Only love, only love.**_

_**Give me shelter, or show me heart**_

_**Come on love, come on love.**_

_**Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart.**_

_**Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart,**_

_**Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart,**_

_**Watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart,**_

_**Only love love love,**_

_**Only love love love,**_

_**Only love love love,**_

_**Girl show me heart.**_

_**Come on love love love,**_

_**Come on love love love,**_

_**Come on love love love.**_

_**Watch me fall apart.**_

_**Come on love love love,**_

_**Come on love love love,**_

_**Come on love love love.**_

_**Girl show me heart.**_

_**Show me love love love,**_

_**Show me love love love,**_

_**Show me love love love.**_

_**Watch me fall apart.**_

_**Darling I feel you, under my body**_

_**Darling you're with me, forever and always.**_

_**Give me shelter or show me heart.**_

_**And watch me fall apart, watch me fall apart.**_

_I put down the guitar and kissed her with everything I had, the only time I felt really loved by someone was Spencer._

"_I love you Spencer, I love you so much and I can't live without you baby"_

"_I love you too Ashley, you're my everything baby" I kissed her again, pulling her closer, she pulled back and smiled. _

"_Always" I smiled_

"_Forever" _

**A/N Happy 2 Month Anniversary Baby! I love you baby!**


	11. Chapter 11

Music in this Chapter:

Battle Scars – Guy Sebastian

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

* * *

Chapter 11

**Ashley POV**

_Hope the wound heals but it never does_

_That's cause you're at war with love_

_You're at war with love, yeah_

I walked out of the room and found Vanessa sitting in the chairs where I left her; she looked up and walked towards me. I looked around to see if Spencer was here but I couldn't see her.

"She went down there with that guy" she pointed down the hall where we came from.

"Oh okay, umm if you want you can take my car home. I'm going to stay here with Kyla, I don't want her alone."

"Ash I'll stay, you need me here" Vanessa had a good heart, maybe that's why it hurt me to know I didn't love her the way she loved me.

"It's okay, I'll call you if I need you" I leaned in and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

_**These battle scars don't look like they're fading**_

_**Don't look like they're ever going away**_

_**They ain't never gonna change**_

_**These battle...**_

I watched Vanessa go down the hallway, then turned and went back into Kyla's room. When I open the door I noticed Kyla was playing with her I.V cord, I smacked her hand away and smiled.

"Stop playing with that, you're going to hurt your self ky"

"Why are you still here, Ashley I'm fine go home." I smiled and layed besides her, wrapping my arm around her. Leaning my head on hers.

"I'm not going anywhere Kyla, I'm staying."

"Where is Vanessa, did you bring her?"

"Yes she was here but I sent her home, there was no reason for her to stay" I ran my hands gently through her hair.

"Or you didn't want her and Spencer to see each other"

"Kyla don't go there" I got up from the bed and stood at the end of her bed with my arms crossed, Kyla always thinks she knows everything.

"Well it's true, you know it. Ashley the whole world knows your dating Vanessa, you're famous" I rolled my eyes and walked over to the window, I looked down and spotted Spencer sitting in the garden.

"Yup, and I hate it." I noticed Kyla closing her eyes; I walked over and kissed her forehead.

"Goodnight little sister"

* * *

_**I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched**_

_**I wish that I could stop loving you so much**_

_**Cause I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together**_

_**When all of the signs say that I should forget her**_

_**I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had**_

_**I wish that the good outweighed the bad**_

_**Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over**_

"Married, when did that happen?" Spencer jumped and turned around quickly, as I stood behind her with my arms crossed.

"You scared me" with her hand on her chest.

"Sorry, so you didn't answer" I walked to the other side and took a seat beside her, turning my head to look at her.

"Why does it matter to you" She said keeping her head straight looking at the garden. I laughed and shook my head.

"It doesn't but I was just making conversation"

"Whatever" I turned and looked at the garden in front of us, it had a pond in the middle with fish, frogs, and flowers around it.

"Damn when did you become a bitch"

"Just leave Ashley" I could hear her voice crack, I knew she wasn't okay with something.

"No" She let out a breathe and turned her whole body towards me, as I looked into her eyes I could see there was nothing.

"I married Matt last year; we met in college, dated, moved in together, and then got married, happy?" I shooked my head

"Why did you say you were driving?" I kept eye contact with her, knowing she could never lie to me.

"Why does it matter?"

"You lied Spencer; I just want to know why?" I took my hand and held it on her cheek, rubbing my thumb over her cheek.

"It's complicated Ashley, and you need to back off" Spencer quickly got up and started to walk to the parking lot.

"Wait, Spencer holds on" I ran after her and pulled out my card, writing my number on the back.

"Here, call me okay?" She took the card, looking at me I could see the smile slowly forming.

"Thanks"

"I'll always be here for you Spencer, I would never break that promise and I never will" I leaned in and kissed her forehead.

_**See, you hoped the wound heals, but it never does**_

_**That's because you're at war with love**_

_**Hope it heals, but it never does**_

_**That's cause you're at war with love**_!

R&R Please


	12. Chapter 12

**I DO NOT OWN SON**

**Music in This Chapter:**

Afraid – The Neighbourhood

All You Did Was Save My Life – Our Lady Peace

By Now - Mariana's Trench

* * *

**Chapter 12 **

**Spencer POV **

I pulled into my driveway and shut of the engine, I left the keys in the ignition and sat there staring at my house. It was a small brick house; it even had a porch with a porch swing attached to it. I grabbed the card from my pocket and looked at it, wondering what I should do. I know kyla came here for a reason, my parents being that reason. I wish I could say that my life is perfect, that after Ashley I found love and settled down, had some kids with my amazing husband. I wish I could say that I have the perfect job that my career took off right after college. Well I can't, and I don't think I can ever say that to anyone.

I open the glove box and pulled out the C.D that hunted me for months; it was Davies first C.D she ever made. When she made it big I wasn't surprise, I was actually thrilled for her. Then I read the song list and I knew I wouldn't be able to listen to the C.D.

After she got out of Rehab, kyla and her moved to New York. I never did speak to Ashley or Kyla after they left; the day at school was the last time I spoke to Kyla. I guess you could say after they left, I became someone new. My parents didn't really approve of my new attitude towards life, that's why I spent most of my nights at the clubs downtown L.A.

College was a total blur, except more my boyfriend now Husband Matt. We eloped one night after a drunken ways, we usually just settle for boyfriend and girlfriend title. My parents never found out that we were married before we got out of college, I just couldn't tell them.

I reached into my purse and pulled out my smokes, I lit one up and inhaled the cancer stick. I started smoking in college, Matt never liked when I smoke but he doesn't need to know what he doesn't see. I played with the C.D in my hand and decided to slip it in and listen to it finally. I turned it over and looked at the first track it was called "Afraid"

_**When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place**_

_**When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place**_

_**Make that money, fake that bunny, ache my tummy**_

_**On the fence, all the time**_

_**Paint young honey, face so sunny, ain't that funny**_

_**All my friends always lie to me**_

_**I know they're thinking**_

_**You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway**_

_**You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs**_

_**It hurts but I won't fight you**_

_**You suck anyway**_

_**You make me wanna die, right when I**_

_**When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place [x3]**_

_**When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me**_

_**Keep on dreaming, don't stop giving, fight those demons**_

_**Sell your soul, not your whole self**_

_**If they see you when you're sleeping, make them leave it**_

_**And I can't even see if it's all there anymore so**_

_**You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway**_

_**You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs**_

_**It hurts but I won't fight you**_

_**You suck anyway**_

_**You make me wanna die, right when I**_

_**When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place [x3]**_

_**When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me**_

_**Being me and only me**_

_**Feeling scared to breathe**_

_**If you leave me then I'll be afraid of everything**_

_**That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down**_

_**Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up**_

_**Let me breathe**_

_**When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place **_

_**When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me**_

I started to shake my head at the song, it didn't really sound like something she would write. Knowing Ashley she did write it, she never likes singing other peoples songs. She says you're not a singer unless you actually sing from your heart. I think that song came from her Ass. I looked down at the next song I smiled, the was called "All You Did Was Save My Life"

_**You, looked at me as you walked in the room**_

_**Like the red sea, you split me open**_

_**Somehow I knew these wings were stolen**_

_**All you did was save my life**_

_**Tried to run but I couldnt move**_

_**Well I paid for these concreat shoes**_

_**Like a singer that sings the blues**_

_**You saw hope in the hopeless**_

_**I'm not dying**_

_**All you did was save my life**_

_**Pulled me out of that flat line**_

_**Put the heartbeat back inside**_

_**I'm not dying**_

_**All you did was get me through, I owe every breathe to you**_

_**Heart and soul unparalyzed, all you did was save my life**_

_**Save my life**_

_**I'm not for sale but I've been sold**_

_**The more I hear the less I know**_

_**The lies are swallowed whole**_

_**In there insignificance**_

_**The storys been told a million times, but it's different when it's your life**_

_**I won the lottery tonight, the lottery tonight**_

_**I'm not dying**_

_**All you did was save my life**_

_**Pulled me out of that flat line**_

_**Put the heartbeat back inside**_

_**I'm not dying**_

_**All you did was get me through, I owe every breathe to you**_

_**Heart and soul unparalyzed, all you did was save my life**_

_**Save my life**_

_**I started to come around, the dogs are backing down**_

_**I'm not afriad to see, the devil's gone underground**_

_**This tightropes been cut down, and I can finally breathe**_

_**You, looked at me as I walked in the room**_

_**Like the red sea you split me open**_

_**Somehow I knew these wings were stolen**_

_**I'm not dying**_

_**All you did was save my life**_

_**Pulled me out of that flat line, put the heart beat back inside**_

_**I'm not dying**_

_**All you did was get me through, I owe every breathe to you**_

_**Heart and soul unparalyzed, all you did was save my life**_

_**All you did was save my life**_

_**Put the heart beat back inside**_

_**All you did was save my life**_

_**Put the heart beat back inside**_

_**All you did was save my life**_

There was a time that I use to be the one to save Ashley's life, but I guess I wasn't good enough for her to stay with me. I thought after Rehab she might have come back to me and we would start over, but she never did. Ashley didn't even try to contact me after she moved away, made me feel like I was nothing but part of her past. When you love someone you are suppose to come back to them, fight for the love that you had. I guess Ashley never did love me; I was just a high school fling to her.

I inhaled some more of my cancer smoke and grabbed the C.D case once again to check what the next song was. It was in fine print, you could barely read it. I looked closer and I knew this song was going to hurt; the song was "By Now" I closed my eyes, and flicked my Cancer stick out the window. Knowing this was going to kill me, weather I like it or not.

_**How've you been? Can I come in?**_

_**Just came to get my things and then I guess I'm leaving**_

_**If I could say what you'd like to hear**_

_**I'd whisper in your ear it's only temporary**_

_**But I've been taking you for granted**_

_**And I thought you'd feel the same as me**_

_**It's time that I come clean, but**_

_**But for now can we just both pretend to sleep**_

_**Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need**_

_**What goes around don't come around**_

_**You should know me by now**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**I should know you as well**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than,**_

_**You should know me by now**_

_**Our talk is small, I'm seven inches tall**_

_**And you should keep the apartment**_

_**So here's my keys, changed all the bills**_

_**We're only built to spill and wonder where the heart went**_

_**And you've been taking me for granted.**_

_**And I thought you'd feel the same as me**_

_**It's time that I come clean, but**_

_**But for now can we just both pretend to sleep**_

_**Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need**_

_**What goes around don't come around**_

_**You should know me by now**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**I should know you as well**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than,**_

_**You should know me by now**_

_**I know that I remember you**_

_**I think that you remember me too**_

_**How can one of us still feel blessed when the other one's lost**_

_**I know you've got to feel the change**_

_**It just stays worse when it stays the same**_

_**How can one of us still feel blessed when the other one's so lost**_

_**By now**_

_**Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need**_

_**What goes around don't come around**_

_**Don't you know me by now?**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than,**_

_**I should know you as well**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than, better than, better than**_

_**You should know me**_

_**Better than,**_

_**You should know me by now**_

I finally turned off the stereo and through the C.D in the back seat, I didn't wanna hear anymore of it. I looked down at her card and ripped it up, she was never there and she wasn't going to start now. I grabbed my purse and open my door, after I closed my car door my phone rang. The number came up as an Unknown; I rolled my eyes and answered the phone.

"What do you want now Glen"

"Spencer, we were just worried…"

"Stop I'm fine it was just a small…wait how did…Paula" I rolled my eyes as I unlocked my front door to my house, as I stepped in I put my keys in the bowl by the door.

"When are you going to drop the Name, she your mother" I laughed, as I sat down on my couch and grabbed the mail on the coffee table. As I went through it I noticed an envelope address to me, with no return address.

"I'll drop it when she becomes my mother again"

"She never stopped Spencer; we all have been trying to help …"

"Gotta go bye" I hung up the phone and opened the envelope, it was a letter.

_**Spencer,**_

_**Please come by my office soon as possible, we need to talk. **_

_**Aiden**_

* * *

**A/N: R&R Please**


End file.
